found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
