shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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