i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
