we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
