i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
