she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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