worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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