Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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