lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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