i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
