My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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