I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
