I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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