i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
