Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
