dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
