I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
