sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
