Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
