Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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