I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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