last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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