Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
