she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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