so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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