Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
