I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Randomize
