also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
