Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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