dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
