we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
