just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
