I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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