Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
