We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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