basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
