The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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