I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
false alarm, still single
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
