:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
