He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
i believe in u and ur pee
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
