do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
