My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
it's like iHOP with fire
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
