You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
