Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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