Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
