So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
