Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
