just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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