And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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