dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I see more hoeing in ur future
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