I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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