On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
